Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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