When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
