If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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