No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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