Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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