Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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