The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
