The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
