i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.