I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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