If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.