I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
