Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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