tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
