Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so let's talk penis.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
