im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
