worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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