The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
did you just send me my own nude
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
