Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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