11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
