You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
