Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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