now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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