That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
