Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
