I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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