Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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