dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
