I want to have your abortion
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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