Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
