God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
