It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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