No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
