FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
