i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
