I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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