I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
