Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
