where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
