i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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