I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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