Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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