I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
