When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
