Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
