I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
