I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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