I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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