when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
