R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize