I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize