no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
