i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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