bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
