No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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