I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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