At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
