We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
