I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
