Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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