you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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