When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
