my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
