You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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